So I was going through some old emails today when I stumbled across this gem from 2006. I was working a late shift at my old glamorous bankruptcy law firm job and one of my coworkers left their iPod at work. Being the good samaritan I am, I promptly posted an ad in the barter section of Chicago's Craigslist. What transpired kept me entertained for some time. The people who cruise the barter section are really top notch.
Enjoy.
So my coworker left his ipod at work today, his loss is YOUR GAIN!
What I am looking for is some cool shit. Any cool shit will do. Have a vintage Hall & Oates t shirt? (Did you know that they are TWO people?) Sure! How about a kitten? The more distempered the better! Maybe some old gym shorts! Want to consolidate your music collection? Sure! Just give us all the old CDs, cassettes, 8 tracks, and tape recorded bootlegs from your singing phase as a child you have lying around and let's make a deal!
Many other uses as well! Get your very own missed connection by pretending to listen to bad music on the EL! Those ladies will be all over your trendy patootie! Or men too! Even both! Replace the missing tile in your bathroom! Add a trendy and musical tile to the boring cream color in your shabby studio. Become the life of the party with this bartered ipod! You can even make stuff up about how you got it! Don't say it was bartered! Say it was won in a knife fight! The fruits of knife fights are great conversation and one night stand starters! Slovenly? Add a touch of the ipod to brighten any appearance, ranging from yuppietastic to just brushed my teeth with a dookie hungover! Yes the flexibility of the iPod will surely be marked in the annals of history for some time!
Many years in the future when our race has been enslaved by the Wonkatanians in their salt mines/candy factories one of our descendants will find this ipod and marvel at it's petite glory before they are whipped and thrown into the furnace! Man what a BARTER!
Hurry! Offer ends when my coworker comes to work tomorrow and asks me where his iPod is.*
You have until I leave work or my conscience catches up with me.
*The ipod even covers bad grammar on CL posts.**
**Not really.
this is in or around Loop
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
In response to this ad, here are some of the responses received...
>>You are twisted. However, I feel compelled to make you an offer in hope that your conscience has not gotten the better of you. I will give you two replica aunt Jemima box things for the ipod. Right now, I keep onions in them. It seems to me you could use them for something, possibly to keep dirty Polaroids of yourself. You can also fill them with your favorite snack and then use them as discussion starters at parties. Whatever. I would send you pics, but CL says the files are too big. I think it's because God hates me. Anyhoo, they are super cool. See, here's the thing. My daughter is an aspiring straight edge, emo kid. Her look will not be complete until she can listen the whining, shrill screams that she so enjoys on an ipod. I'm sure she will tell people she got it as a reward from PETA for saving a dying pigeon from certain death. If you decide to do the right thing, meaning give me this ipod, I may buy her a tshirt that says "my mom pimped out Aunt Jemima for my ipod".To sweeten this deal, I also offer a used Norah Jones CD and an unopened Good Charlotte DVD. Please contact me as soon as possible. I will be on through out the evening checking out cock picks on casual encounters.
(This lady sounds like a real catch. Too bad she has a goth rock daughter, it's more romantic comedy than I would like in a relationship.)
> ill give you unopened sopranos season 5 and the> shield season 3>
> BVLAQUA,
Thank you for your interest and the generous offer of The Shield Season 3, and Sopranos Season 5. Unopened no less! While the iPod has been claimed (by a very generous offer from my coworker for my safety and the chance to keep my job) let me give you some advice. When offering a trade for an ipod with thousands of songs on it, it might be more beneficial to throw in some porn. Really hot porn. With lots of freaky deaky.
Cheers,
Edmund.
(I have yet to receive an offer that includes porn.)
>> >> Hey there,
>> >>>> >> How about a bunch of burned Cds or Dvds?
>> >>>> >> Let me know.. :)
>> >>>> >> Thanks!
>> >>
(My response)
Kate,>> >>> >
Thank you for your interest in the iPod. While my coworker has since tracked me down to retrieve his iPod, I was wondering if you are currently recruiting crew for your vessel. Avast I be a hearty lad that will swab yon poop deck with a lusty fervor. Ye sound like a fair ruler with an iron will and a vast collection of frilly shirts.
Yar!
Bluebeard.
(I didn't expect to get anything back from that. I was wrong)
Hey there,
Too bad the iPod is gone.. :(
Are you looking for f/t work, or just side jobs? I can't provide any work for you (just got a job myself), but I can offer you some possibilities in the suburbs if you're looking for f/t. :)
Kate
Actually I already have a job as well. I work as a midshipman on the good ship lollypop. My typical day entails swabbing, grub slinging and data entry. Thanks for your offer, and have a great day.
Peace,
Sandro
lol.. You're funny.
Okay, you take care too, and let me know if you find any more iPods.. ;)
(This lady sounds like a real catch. If you like that whole blank stare type thing. Now comes the best one. If you have an iPod you can get some really primo shit off of this guy.)
EMAIL 1
Hmmm, what do i have? I've got records. How do you feel about classic rock? How do you feel about a 10-record grab bag? We're talking Beatles, Led Zeppelin, ACDC, etc. What else.....umm....a super nintendo? Those are pretty awesome. You want my advice... I think you should go with the records. I'll make sure they're good ones. Oh, and I'm conveniently located in the loop and i'd be happy to pick it up.
(response)
J,
Thank you for your interest. As you can probably ascertain from the posting, my coworker has already contacted me and will be asking for his iPod back. I apologize for the "tease", but let me assure you, of all the replies I recieved, your shit is by far the coolest (one person even offered "burned CDs and DVDs") Right. Anyways, stay loose, be cool, and never underestimate the power of cool shit like a laser tag set and a grab bag of records. What you should do, is post your cool shit online and see what people will offer. Maybe you can wrangle up your own set of burned DVDs and CDs! Thanks again,
Franklin
EMAIL 2
Other things I have:
A really cool Back to the Future pennant from Universal Studios from the early 90's
A video cassette of GI JOE The Movie
A jack-o-lantern dodgeball ball
Two packages of Peeps Cocoa Bats from three halloweens ago
Three 8 oz cans of Candy Corn flavored soda
A first generation Game Boy Advance with Bomberman
An autographed Stryper bible!!!
C'mon how can you say no to that!!?!???!!!!??!!?!?
EMAIL 3
Star Wars Monopoly?
A case of Budweiser?
A crappy vase from Ikea?
Sega CD system with absolutely no games?
A VHS cassette of the 80's classic "RAD" about bmx biking?
A bmx bike?
A wall clock of some kind of japanese cartoon?
A "Biobug" sans remote control?
A pretty nice edition of Gray's Anatomy?
64 slightly used Crayola crayons?
I think that's everything I own.
(response)
Also,
I have seen Rad, and that movie's reputation precedes itself. While tempting to alienate my coworker and entire office staff after he tells them what transpired, I think that the adventures of the BMX bikers is a fair trade for an ipod that is someone else's. Thanks again,
Ian
EMAIL 4
LASER TAG!!!I've got two sets of the newest edition which consists of the gun and these glasses with a microphone and sensor or something.
That is all.
RESPONSE FROM JUSTIN!!!!
I expected as much, but a part of me was hoping that you were actually a real asshole with a weakness for other people's pop culture junk. Cheers.
J, sometimes I wish the same thing. I bet I would get a lot more action that way. And while I do have a weakness for pop culture junk, I also have aweakness for having things of value. Ah well,
Peace.
Franklin
I thought it would be fun one day to sit in a park in NE Minneapolis and draw the scene in front of me, eventually I realized that the architecture left much to be desired. So I deviated from the straight drawing and did something else.
Here's me ANIME STYLE! 
